The Yanks Are Coming!!

Last week, Jack Frost of Arizona started walking from Land’s End to John O’Groats. Jack is reporting his journey at http://lejogjack.wordpress.com/

I’m planning to start in his footsteps next week. Now, this may not seem like an invasion, but given that few are presently walking End to End, two Americans must be a pretty high percentage.

Mother Nature is already throwing up her defenses – ash from Iceland’s Grimsvotn volcano. This is different from last year’s Eyjafjollajokull volcano. Iceland is a delightful country, but Icelanders really should do something about their volcanoes. They could start by giving them names that you can actually spell and pronounce.  Just don’t follow suggestions from Hawaiians.

Many years ago, when I first planned to hike the Irish Coast to Coast, an epidemic of foot and mouth disease closed down the trails, and I was forced to postpone the walk. Last summer … well, I was forced to postpone the walk. I don’t know what nature has in store for me this year, but I’m getting tired of it. I think the Europeans are also getting tired of it.

D’YA HEAR THAT, NATURE??  WE’RE ALL GETTING TIRED OF IT!!  YOU CAN DELAY US BUT YOU CAN’T STOP US.  READY OR NOT, THE YANKS ARE COMING!!!

Well, OK, you can actually stop us. But please don’t.




© 2011 Ken Klug

Ron's Secret Place

While enjoying my morning coffee yesterday, I received a telephone call from my good friend, Professor Ron. Ron is a living guidebook to hiking in southern Utah. “Ken,” he said, “I would like to hike to a secret place today – a place of such outstanding natural beauty that I was sworn by the person who discovered it never to disclose its location. Can join me?”

“Am I required to wear a blindfold?” I asked.

“No, but you must promise never to disclose its location to anyone,” replied the professor. “You know what happened to the Wave.” [Note: See the video embedded in the top pano of http://www.utah.com/playgrounds/the_wave.htm  for a report of what happened to the Wave.]

“Ron, I’m a highly trained lawyer. Preserving confidentiality is my stock in trade. Of course you can trust me to never disclose its location.”

“Good,” he replied. “I’ll pick you up in 30 minutes.”

I’m not only a trained lawyer, but also a trained hiker, so my backpack is always ready. All I need to add is a liter of water and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Thirty minutes was plenty of time for me to finish my coffee and assemble the sandwich.

It was also plenty of time for me to telephone my English friend, Dr. George, who happens to be vacationing in Utah. You may remember that Dr. George helped me search for angels on Halloween, and he is going to help me search for pubs in northern England. How could I hike to a secret place of outstanding natural beauty without including Dr. George?

“George,” I said, “Professor Ron is going to guide me to a secret place of outstanding natural beauty. Would you like to join us?”

Ever the gentlemen, George responded, “Well, unless Ron actually invited me along I don’t think…”

“Now, George,” I interrupted, “you know how absent-minded the professor can be. Had he thought about it, he certainly would have invited you. You’ve got to see this place before somebody spills the beans and the crowds discover it. Oh, and bring your GPS so we don’t get lost. Just be sure the professor doesn’t know you’re bringing the GPS, because he might be insulted if he thought we doubted his route finding ability.”

And so off we went to see the secret place of outstanding natural beauty, George carrying his GPS, I carrying my PB&J sandwich, and Ron carrying his secret.

There was no trail. Our route took us across the Utah high desert, where recent spring rains had brought out desert flowers

and the distant mountains were still displaying their winter snows.

In due course, we arrived at white petrified sand dunes, known as slickrock, created long ago by ancient seas. As we continued on, the slickrock gradually changed from white to red, evidence of staining by leaching minerals, probably iron from ancient volcanic flows. Candy-striped layers of rock are ubiquitous in Utah, but these were different. Normally the stripes are simply the result of layers of different sands deposited over time. Here, the candy stripes were stains, apparently caused by ancient iron rich streams and evaporating seas flowing over the white slickrock. Combined with the cubic fractures of the sandstone, the stains were a tiled mosaic – nature’s art. No wonder Ron wants to keep the place secret. Thousands of boots treading on the painted slickrock would quickly erase the marvelous swirls left by nature.

Awestruck by the beauty of Ron’s secret place, George and I reassured Ron that we would never disclose its location, despite the fact that the precise grid coordinates were captured by George’s GPS – the very same GPS we’ll be carrying when we walk together in northern England.

No, George and I will never, ever disclose the location. Our lips are forever sealed, and can never be pried open. Not even if you bribe us with a pint as we walk together in northern England. Not even for two pints. I dare you to try.

© 2011 Ken Klug